Days 7 & 8 NHBPM

Days 7 & 8 of NHBPM 

Day 7:  Redesigning a doctor's office:   wow, could I really redesign the doctor's office?   There should be some really comfy reclining massage chairs in here!   Two of them--one for the patient and one for caretaker.    There should be soothing colors on the walls, lovely paintings or murals.    How about a television or computer to use while waiting?   Let's have videos/shows/computer games that educate us about the illnesses we are here to diagnose, discuss, and treat/cure!   This could alleviate a great deal of stress.  Music! Music! Music!  let's have some great music to choose from  to help us pass the time without stressing and our blood pressure going sky high.    I know you need all the medical things and that's okay.  Let's just have a few goodies in the room to make us less fearful and anxious.   It will make your job so much easier!  

Day 8:  Letter to my health:                                                                                      

Dear Rhonda's Health:

what do I say to you?   there is not one illness to target.  There are so many....the ulcerative colitis, depression, mania, migraines, vertigo, lumbago, fibromyaglia, ulnar neuropathy, sleep apnea, anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia, numbness and tingling in arms and legs, psorsiasis, sebhorreic dermatitis, joint pains, knee pain/degeneration, urgent bowel needs, incontinence of bowels, no gall bladder, no small intestine, vitamin deficiencies, anemia, urinary tract infections, reflux, angina, high blood pressure, high cholesterol.........wow, that's a lot!  

It is such a stress and a strain to want to go out and do something or go somewhere and always looking for the bathrooms, carrying extra supplies and clothing, having to stop in the grass and literally go on the streets, having accidents on myself and never making it out of the driveway and having to come back inside the house and get in the bathtub and wash all over AGAIN!  Hurting so much that there is no energy to go anywhere....no desire.....laying my head on the PILLOW causes pain to the back of my head.....can't sleep.....can't wake up......skin rashes, anxiety, scared to go out.....scared to stay in.....lonely....depressed.....isolation....numbness...tingling....am I having a stroke?  a heart attack?  will I live to see my grandchildren?   do I want to live? Is it worth? do I have any worth? any value?  Is there a point to my life? why I am here? I can't work anymore....can't teach....can't fulfill my calling now....who wants me? who needs me?  why do I bother? should I bother?   my heart is racing!  My chest hurts!  am I having a heart attack?  my face is numb! my arm is tingling....stroke?   tests! tests! more tests!  that awful gallon of detestable liquid to clean you out.....and then the colonoscopy where you feel the procedure....you are not sedated enough...ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! somebody, get me out of here!    Help!   

and yet, all of these things have brought me to this place in my life to the age of 50 and have formed me into the person that I am today.   And that is okay.   I am okay.  I am getting help.  I am getting treatment for all of these ailments as I need them.  I am taking my medications.  I am going to my therapist.   I am praying.  I am studying.  I am filling myself with knowledge and researching ways to get help.  I am reaching out for support and giving support to others through peer groups and support groups.   I am okay.  My health is not perfect.  My health is not good....in fact, it is pretty darn poor, but I am okay.  I will survive this.   I am going to make it.   

Love, Me